I have been feeling pretty numb lately. Numb, sad, angry..definitely not cheery. But, I have been going through the motions of my day fairly well. Mostly, because I have been suppressing my emotions, but none the less, I have been functioning. That is until... The Great Fall!!!!
I have been eating my feelings (Oreos are my "feeling" of choice) way too much! So, I wanted to go out for a fun stroll around the park with my lil' one. F* it with all this pity me stuff, I thought. We are going to go run, laugh, get our heart rates up, and feel good! And we did, and it did feel good...for about half of the way through the trail. Then as we were laughing and running down a hill disaster struck! Out of nowhere my strollers front wheel got stuck! The cart, me, and my sweet lil' girl went flying! She was buckled in, but the stroller flipped on top of her.
I picked myself up off the cement, and went over to my precious girl, who was screaming. My heart was racing as I tipped the cart over to see if she was OK. Her mouth was dripping with blood. I got her up, comforted her, and used a blanket we had to stop the bleeding. Then, I packed her back into the broken stroller, and got her back to the car as quickly and safely as possible.
My husband, who had waited in the car, was alerted by our daughters cry. As he opened the door I handed him our bloody, crying, daughter, and started balling hysterically! Our daughter was OK, she just got a bloody lip. I however, was an emotional wreck. I had a full on panic attack. It was like all the emotion I have been suppressing over this last two weeks came screaming out of me. I knew our daughter would be OK, but it was much more the injuries, seeing our precious daughter get hurt, or even knowing she got hurt while in my care; it was the fact that I had tried to take one minute to relax and have fun, and this is what I got for it. My husband kept asking me what happened and all I could manage to say was, "It's not fair! It's not fair!"
My husband eventually calmed me down, I ate a box of Oreos (which reminds me... I'm all out!), and I went back to being numb... maybe, just maybe, even a little less numb.
It was a lot to handle...to say the least.
I have been eating my feelings (Oreos are my "feeling" of choice) way too much! So, I wanted to go out for a fun stroll around the park with my lil' one. F* it with all this pity me stuff, I thought. We are going to go run, laugh, get our heart rates up, and feel good! And we did, and it did feel good...for about half of the way through the trail. Then as we were laughing and running down a hill disaster struck! Out of nowhere my strollers front wheel got stuck! The cart, me, and my sweet lil' girl went flying! She was buckled in, but the stroller flipped on top of her.
I picked myself up off the cement, and went over to my precious girl, who was screaming. My heart was racing as I tipped the cart over to see if she was OK. Her mouth was dripping with blood. I got her up, comforted her, and used a blanket we had to stop the bleeding. Then, I packed her back into the broken stroller, and got her back to the car as quickly and safely as possible.
My husband, who had waited in the car, was alerted by our daughters cry. As he opened the door I handed him our bloody, crying, daughter, and started balling hysterically! Our daughter was OK, she just got a bloody lip. I however, was an emotional wreck. I had a full on panic attack. It was like all the emotion I have been suppressing over this last two weeks came screaming out of me. I knew our daughter would be OK, but it was much more the injuries, seeing our precious daughter get hurt, or even knowing she got hurt while in my care; it was the fact that I had tried to take one minute to relax and have fun, and this is what I got for it. My husband kept asking me what happened and all I could manage to say was, "It's not fair! It's not fair!"
My husband eventually calmed me down, I ate a box of Oreos (which reminds me... I'm all out!), and I went back to being numb... maybe, just maybe, even a little less numb.
It was a lot to handle...to say the least.
No comments:
Post a Comment